A Domestic Violence Divorce - How Abusers Use the System to Invalidate Domestic Violence Survivors

Victims of domestic abuse reach out to the system for help in stopping the abuse perpetrated upon them. This can involve both healthcare and law enforcement. Yet, what actually happens, more often than most people know, is that these so-called "helpers" can be used to perpetuate domestic violence "legally" during divorce.

In healthcare, it's the psychologists and psychiatrists. These healthcare providers are frequently manipulated by abusers to aid them in establishing false claims about the domestic abuse survivors that they batter and control.

Psychiatric Diagnosis as Batterer's Club in Domestic Violence Divorce

Almost daily, I am sought out by a domestic violence survivor seeking help from being falsely accused of being mentally ill. In many of the cases, the mental healthcare diagnostics appear to be grossly improper.

But that doesn't prevent a court from making determinations about the accused. In many of these cases, the battered mothers (and abused fathers) are faced with losing custody of and, in some cases, even the essential moments of simple human contact with their children.

Once judicial decisions are made, remedies can be added on and on...with no regard for the accuracy of the original foundation underlying the initial judicial decision. We have seen domestic violence victims prevented from having unsupervised or any access to their abused children because of a clinical psychiatric diagnosis.

The sad thing here is that those directly negatively impacted, like the protective parent and children, are unaware of this ploy during its set-up and ultimate execution. Often they go along with certain procedures trusting in their sanity and hoping for justice to prevail. Then, the day comes when they awaken to the fact that they have been re-victimized by their abuser's manipulation of the psychologists and psychiatrists.

Psychiatric Re-victimization To What End

Now you'd think that if the batterer is getting a divorce and seeking to move on with their lives, then the victim's declared mental health status would be of no interest to him/her. Wrong...completely wrong!

By establishing for "the record" that the domestic violence survivor is "crazy," the abuser leverages their ability to regain and maintain control over the family...and most importantly, control over themselves, or at least control over their public image. Many people will tell you that the legal psychiatrics of a case are nothing more than to save face for the batterer.

The abuser seeks to walk away looking good and certainly not being an abuser. To this end, they must make the victim to be "bad"..."wrong"..."crazy." Essentially, the abuser enlists (directly or indirectly) the healthcare provider to discredit the victim in order to invalidate who she/he is and what she/he stands for with respect to being a domestic abuse survivor.

If you are a domestic violence survivor and have been threatened with losing custody of your children and the credibility of you mental health status, seek to understand how batterers manipulate healthcare providers to establish false claims. And as you learn about the reality of what's before you, find a credible professional to help you prevent this life-changing destructive legal psychiatric ploy. The sooner you become proactive in preventing the establishment of false claims, the easier you can prevent them from defining your life and limiting your liberties.

For information about legal psychological abuse and Domestic Violence Divorce, read Crazy Making Legal-Psychiatric Abuse: Signs and Prevention, and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/crazy_making.php. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people nationwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse.

Copyright 2010 Jeanne King, Ph.D.

Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror

When Trauma and Recovery was first published in 1992, it was hailed as a groundbreaking work. In the intervening years, Hermana€?s volume has changed the way we think about and treat traumatic events and trauma victims. In a new afterword, Herman chronicles the incredible response the book has elicited and explains how the issues surrounding the topic have shifted within the clinical community and the culture at large.Trauma and Recovery brings a new level of understanding to a set of problems usually considered individually. Herman draws on her own cutting-edge research in domestic violence as well as on the vast literature of combat veterans and victims of political terror, to show the parallels between private terrors such as rape and public traumas such as terrorism. The book puts individual experience in a broader political frame, arguing that psychological trauma can be understood only in a social context. Meticulously documented and frequently using the victimsa€? own words as well as those from classic literary works and prison diaries, Trauma and Recovery is a powerful work that will continue to profoundly impact our thinking.

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Domestic Violence Treatment - Domestic Abuse Intervention in the Context of Relationship Therapy

There are people who have been on our email list since its inception nearly five years ago. Many of these faithful readers are deeply rooted in the battered women's movement. Some have asked, "Why are you trying to help people 'fix' relationships that many people urge you to flee?"

I say, "excellent question." The answer has more to do with my getting back to who and what I am. It has more to do with the fact that we have re-focused our business to being the vehicle for making our most seasoned and sophisticated skills available to individuals in abusive relationships.

We are by profession, practice and expertise healers first. Our belief is that people, at the core of their being, have the capacity for change. Every person in an abusive relationship, whether they are the abuser or abused, can influence the dynamics of the relationship. Now this doesn't mean to imply that domestic abuse survivors are responsible for the battering or even have the ability to end the abuse perpetuated upon them.

What it does mean is that many batterers (at least the ones we see) have an innate potential for refocusing and thus reinventing themselves, their relationships and their lives. And domestic abuse victims, too, have this same ability, which recreates their destiny with respect to their intimate relationship and beyond.

Letting Go of Domestic Abuse before It Spirals Out of Control

So it's not that we are saying, "Hang onto your abuser." Heck, no! We want to help people break the cycle of domestic violence from the inside out...one relationship at a time. We know that without doing this, the habits of domestic violence will merely show up in the next relationship by both parties playing out the familiar relationship patterns that caused destructive conflict and violence in the first place.

Our higher interest in domestic violence work is prevention. When we can help people interrupt the abuse dynamic, we prevent the inevitable evolution of domestic abuse spreading throughout our communities...throughout society, at large.

Domestic Violence Treatment and Relationship Therapy

We understand that some intimate relationships are simply not meant to be. And we trust that people will determine what's right for them as they transform themselves and their interaction habits. They can choose to stay together or not. They can work individually or jointly in domestic violence treatment, as well.

We seek to support people in creating relationships that work for them...support them...make them better than they are, not less than they are. Our commitment is to wholeness and harmony, and that is the basis of our work in domestic violence counseling.

As of late we have been calling this work, when done conjointly, "abusive relationship therapy." At the root of the intervention is therapy and the abusive relationship becomes the patient.

Be it known that this is not marital therapy or couples counseling: rather, it is domestic abuse treatment in the context of relationship therapy. I trust this clarifies our intent and commitment to helping people in abusive relationships through effective therapeutic process.

For more info about domestic violence treatment, visit http://www.DomesticAbuseTreatment.com and claim Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps couples nationwide recognize, end and heal from emotional psychological abuse. Copyright 2010 Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

Burning Bed [VHS]

This controversial, 1984 made-for-television movie gave Farrah Fawcett her first true showcase as an actress. Playing an abused wife who kills her monstrous husband (Paul Le Mat), Fawcett demonstrates a facility with the moral ambiguities of the story, which concerns the painful but fascinating questions of where justice lies. Fine support from Richard Masur and Grace Zabriskie, and the assured direction is by Robert Greenwald (Xanadu. --Tom Keogh

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Domestic Violence Counseling - Physical Vs Psychological Abuse: Who Is the "Real" Victim Here?

Sometimes things are not as they seem when it comes to domestic violence counseling. On the outside looking in, one might think the striking person is the "real" abuser in the relationship. But with closer analysis, it becomes evident that the person holding the control is the psychological abuser.

This psychological abuser may be polite, stable, manipulative and nonaggressive outwardly...and they can even present in therapy as the abused. He/she may be a victim of verbal assault by their partner. But they hold the "control" and they know it. Their intimate partner, however, may not know it.

Instead, this partner who is outwardly aggressive is led to believe that they are the "attacker" and thus the abuser in the relationship. While he/she may be the attacker outwardly, their striking is not about control--to the contrary it's about a lack of control or a loss of control.

Outward Aggression and Abusive Control

What is the difference between outward aggression and abusive control? If you are familiar with the domestic violence literature, you know that domestic abuse is fundamentally about control. And in abusive relationships, violence is recognized as a manifestation of control. It's a means by which control is established and maintained.

Therefore, the assumption might be that the attacker is the "abuser," i.e. the one who holds greater power and control in the relationship. The problem with this simplistic interpretation is that it fails to take into account the etiology of the aggressor's violence.

Some "abusers" (outward aggressors) strike to regain control...but, by and large, they are not the controlling party in the relationship. These individuals characteristically have an intermittent explosive disorder. And their actions, while on the surface are violent, inappropriate and outwardly abusive, they are reflexive in nature.

In other words, these outward aggressors are mindlessly seeking to level the playing field in their intimate relationships. Yet, at their core, they remain under the psychological control of their partners. Their use of violence has more to do with inadequate conflict resolution skills, rather than a pathological addiction to control.

Mental and Psychological Abuse Trumps Violent Aggression

So, which person is the real abuser when one party is verbally aggressive and the other is psychologically controlling? I'd say both individuals are abusers and both are victims in their abusive relationship.

This closer analysis is essential to treatment planning for successful outcome in domestic violence counseling. If you are the labeled abuser in an abusive relationship, be mindful of the more complex dynamics in play. If you are the labeled abused, be honest with yourself in your efforts to remedy the violence in your relationship.

If you are a treatment provider, study the abuse dynamics from the inside out, not from the outside in. Your mindful analysis as such will increase your success in treatment planning for the couples you help in domestic abuse counseling.

For more information about domestic violence counseling, visit http://www.domesticabusetreatment.com and claim Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps couples nationwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. Copyright 2010 Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

Help Your Domestic Violence Attorney Build a Solid Case

When you hire a domestic violence attorney, don't expect him to build your defense all alone. There are steps you can take to help the process go more smoothly. Keep in mind that a conviction of domestic violence can render serious consequences, including prison time. And by legal definition, domestic violence isn't always just limited to physical abuse. It can also be defined as psychological and emotional abuse. So what you say and how you say it when around your accuser can make a difference moving forward, regardless of what has happened in the past.

Be Totally Honest

It's important that you be totally honest with your domestic violence lawyer. If you did the crime, you should tell your attorney what you did and how and why you did it. He can only move forward and build a strong case if he has all the facts up front. Make every effort to reveal all known facts in the beginning, and be sure to tell your lawyer if the act was in self-defense. For instance, if the accuser tried to hit you with an object and you hit back in self-defense, this could change the outcome of your case dramatically.

Disclose Drug or Alcohol Us

If you have a substance abuse problem, which may have led to your abusive behavior, don't hesitate to disclose this to your attorney. Make every effort to get help by attending substance abuse classes or by seeing a counselor. Making an effort to overcome your problem may help a judge look favorably on your case.

Seek to Mend Relationships

Making an effort to mend the relationship with the accuser and/or any relatives involved might be helpful. Sometimes this is all it takes to get charges dropped. Be truly regretful for any harm you caused and apologize to every person involved. If you have shown a pattern of abuse with multiple incidences, let them know you are willing to seek help for your problem. If it only happened once due to stress and loss of temper, then let them know you will take measures to ensure it won't happen again.

Keep Accurate Records

Make sure you keep a journal of events from the time you're accused until your day in court. Write notes about every conversation you have with the accuser or her family/friends. Keep records of any meetings, paperwork, etc. related to your case. This will help your domestic violence attorney build a solid defense without having to backtrack.

Keep Your Obligations

If you are obligated to pay alimony, child support, or have visits with your children, then be sure to keep all your obligations. You might be tempted to drop everything when accused of domestic violence, but this will only add to the problem. Show that you are continuing to be responsible despite the circumstances.

Discredit a False Accuser

If falsely accused, find ways to discredit your accuser as a witness. Note any inconsistencies in statements or any inaccuracy in her recount of events. If other witnesses are involved, do the same. One lie leads to another, and judges can often see through the lies when someone is on the witness stand. But don't take this for granted. Approach every question and answer session with much scrutiny. Your lawyer should do the same, but you are the only one who knows the truth first-hand and the events exactly as they happened.

Don't Incriminate Yourself

A domestic violence lawyer can only help you if you don't incriminate yourself. Have your lawyer present at all interviews and examinations. Don't allow yourself to be cornered by social workers or anyone else without a lawyer. If you are innocent of the crime, then maintain your innocence from start to finish. Don't plea bargain or admit to something you didn't do just so a judge will "go easy" on you. Keep the future in mind, and how it might affect your life and family in the long run.

If you haven't found a good lawyer yet, consider using the Web for your search. Many reputable attorneys have a website that explains their services in detail along with their credentials and track record. Use key phrases in search engines that are related to your state and/or city, such as "Miami Florida domestic violence attorney" if you live in Miami. This will narrow your search to those serving your local area.

Use these tips to help your attorney give you the best possible defense!

Chris Robertson is an author of Majon International, one of the worlds MOST popular internet marketing companies on the web. Learn more about Domestic Violence Attorney.

Escaping Domestic Violence - How to Find the Courage to Leave

The pit of relationship hell must be domestic violence as it corrodes both your emotional and physical strength. Your body hurts but so do your emotions and your heart. You feel violated physically and emotionally but fear, unworthiness and a glimmer of optimism battle for a place in your life. And this conflicting well of emotions is what immobilizes you? So what can you do to escape domestic violence? How do you find the courage to leave?

Be real! To find the courage to escape domestic violence you must take an honest look at your relationship and the emotions that it evokes.

a. Optimism. You have that nagging feeling that your partner will change and because they act extra nice after the violence you hang your confused emotions on this. But you have been here before and they have not changed. Why do you think that they will change now? What is your confidence based on? Your abusive partner's word? Has your abusive partner kept their word not to abuse you before? So why is today's promise from them any different? To get the courage to leave you must be honest with yourself and realize that your partner will not change and if you do not leave this domestic violence will kill you emotionally and maybe physically.

b. Fear. You are afraid that your abusive spouse will get so angry if you leave that they will become even more abusive than usual. They have trained you well with their violence so that you are now programmed to avoid making them angry. You will do anything not to make them angry. But again you have been here before; have all your efforts not to make them angry worked? Has all the walking on eggshells and fawning over them worked at stopping their violence toward you? Do you not realise that you cannot keep the peace with them as they are on the war path just waiting to pounce on you at the slightest hint of imagined wrong? Your fear of more abuse just keeps you in a position to get even more violence.

c. Isolated shame. When your spouse was first violent toward you, you felt incredible shame and so you hid this horrendous thing from your family and friends. And this was your first mistake because in a sick and perverted way it bound you to your abusive spouse as you now shared this incredibly horrible secret. You are ashamed that the person who is supposed to love you most in the world is raining such pain on you. You need to know that hiding shame does reduce it and it in fact magnifies it in your life and makes the prison that you built for yourself from it even stronger. To get the courage to escape from domestic violence you need to let someone you trust and who cares for you and who can lend you their support know what it is that you are facing in your marriage.

d. Unworthiness. An offshoot of domestic violence is a deep feeling of worthlessness. You feel like somehow you don't deserve to be treated better by your spouse. This is due to what your partner says when they abuse you as well as the shame you feel. To escape domestic violence you need to remember how you felt about yourself before the abuse started or to imagine how it would feel if you didn't have this cloud of violent abuse hanging over your life every single day of your life.

To escape domestic violence you must find the courage to leave your abusive spouse. To find this courage you must counter the lies and flawed attitudes that you currently have so that you can draw strength from the truth. You know the old saying 'the truth will set you free' well that is what facing reality in these 4 areas will do for you; set you free from the tyranny of domestic violence.

Rosy Anderson is a researcher in social economic issues and the way they affect decision making; and she enjoys writing and being in healthy, happy relationships. If however you have come out of domestic violence and your self-worth is low and you don't know how to rebuild your capacity to love yourself and others then I would strongly recommend these secrets to love and respect to help you heal and love yourself and others.